My Awkward Love Life
by diamondgirl786
Summary: It starts out as a Jenna/Matty story then evolves into a Jenna/Colin love story. It goes along a little bit with the show. I felt like there needed to be just one Jenna and Colin story on here and I know I'm not the only one that feels that way.
1. Chapter 1

I don't know how Colin does it. He had the courage to stand up to Mr. Hart the first week of school even though Mr. Hart made everybody somehow want to lower their self-esteem a little lower in less than five minutes and every day we stepped in his class. After he gave our class a very disturbing and unnecessarily image of our writing style that I'm pretty sure made everyone uncomfortable, Mr. Hart gave me a challenge since I was "playing it safe". He said that I had to read something out loud that exposes vulnerability. He though he had me but I one upped him on my unexpectedness for the day. "I can read anything I've written. You want me to do here or in front of the class?" I was feeling confident, until he answered my super cocky question. "Neither, you're going to do it here, at 'Bean there, done that' tonight at 8 PM. Its open mic night, be there or fifty percent of your grade is going to be a zero". He had single handedly knocked all my self-confidence that I had just built up, down a few _thousand_ pegs.

I went to go see my guidance counselor, Valerie, to vent a little. Yeah were on a first name basis ever since my "accident" and she insisted on now calling me 'her girl', I guess as a way of trying to make things less awkward. There were days that she gave some pretty helpful advice, but most days she talked about stuff that was irrelevant, blatantly stupid and unhelpful or highly in appropriate, especially for a faculty member speaking with a student. Honestly, now that I think about it, I have no idea why I kept going back to her for any advice at all. I still went anyway and as soon as I sat down, I went on a verbal rampage. There was no way that Mr. Hart can do that. Ok, maybe I might have volunteered myself and maybe I might have accepted the challenge, but that doesn't give him the right to make something so personal half of my fucking grade. Is he serious right now, who does that?

At lunch, I had told Matty about Mr. Hart and like the great boyfriend he is, he offered to come and show his support. The only thing was I didn't really want his support or anyone that I knew there. "No, you can't come, I don't want anyone to come" and with perfect timing the infamous couple as Jakara come join me and Matty at the table. "What don't you want us to come to that were coming to anyway?" Great, now they know, too. "Nothing" Matty answered the question as if he was being asked in the first place. "Jenna's got a performance tonight that she is trying to shut me out of". "That's not true. I'm shutting all of you out. I'm very nervous and insecure and…"I look over at Matty since the conversation did start with him "we don't need to do everything together" I say this with a faint smile hoping that he just lets it go. "Are you implying that _I_ need to do everything together, because Jake and I have plans tonight, right?" I can tell he just pulled that one out of thin air probably trying to take the edge off the thought of him being kind of feminine sometimes in our relationship. Jake clearly wasn't catching on to Matty's attempted save and was only making it worse by saying right so unconvincingly but I guess Tamara didn't notice and totally fell for the now accumulating lie. "When did you make plans without me, we might have plans tonight" It was clear who wore the pants in their relationship. Tamara had him whipped. "Do we?" Jake answered so fast out of fear of Tamara's possible blow out that he looked like a baby dear caught off guard by headlights. I guess he was the baby dear in all of his relationships. The only time he wasn't was when he was dating Lissa but she was too dumb to even know how to wear the pants in that relationship. "No, but the option was available" "Look, you do you and I'll do me." He tried to make it come out cool as he put his arm around her shoulder but it only backfired in his face. "That's right 'you do you", because you won't be doing me anytime soon with a 'tude like that" "Fine" "Fine" While they were wrapped up in their little love cocoon I decided to clear anything up that got lost in translation between me and Matty. "Fine?" "Fine…"Even though he agreed, he didn't really seem too accepting of my decision, but like always, he tried to play it off "were having a, uh…_bro-_beque" Jake and Matty high-fived each other at the thought of guys night.

Back at home in my room Tamara came over to hang out a bit since Jake was getting ready for his newly acquired 'bro-beque' with Matty. I felt bad though; I had to leave hanging solo tonight because I didn't even want her at the reading. In my boyfriend's attempt to save his own self from being alone, he had hijacked Jake right from under Tamara, figuratively speaking, without so much as a warning and now I was sending her off, all alone for the night, to find something else to do.

When I arrived at the coffee shop, I felt myself shaking from all the nervousness that was surging through my body right now. Then I realized I had nothing to be nervous about. This wasn't my school and no one here knew me, complete strangers. I mean I kind of figured that Mr. Hart would be here to collect his proof that I actually went through with this whole ordeal, but I shouldn't have a problem. He's read my writing before and all I would have to do is read. I really had nothing to worry about until I heard someone call out my name in the crowd. Half of the room turned around to see who called out my name and when I turned around I saw Valerie walking over to me and then I saw my parent sitting smack dab in the center of the room. What were they doing here? I know _I_ didn't tell them about tonight. Could things possibly get any worse? The introducer called me up to the stage. Oh no, I was first. I slowly walked up to the stage hoping…no, praying that something more catastrophic and important would cause everybody to leave abruptly before they had a chance to her anything I would read. I sat up on the small stool on stage and looked out into the audience. It's now or a zero as fifty percent of my grade. "This is the story of how I lost my virginity" I saw my dad get up and walk out just then. My embarrassment level dropped down one less person and I felt a little relief "My story is called 'Rubbed Raw and Reeling…" "We can see how rubbed raw you are…close your legs" I knew that voice. As I looked out into the audience to see who had interrupted me I saw the face of the bane of my existence, Sadie Saxton and Colin was sitting right next to her in the front. That little relief I had, just ran out the door right behind my dad. I quickly closed my legs and continued on with my story. I thought, things could always be worse and decided to just ride out the misery. I threw in a couple of jokes here and there in my story to easy the blow and the crowd went along with it. This wasn't so bad after all.

Mr. Hart came up behind me with a loud applauded and I really didn't care what he had to say, I went through with the challenge and he couldn't say anything about it. "Well, I guess you're not the coddling type after all, putting your feet did you wonders" "Not so sure about that. So what's your next tactic…beating me?" "Maybe, will that work?" "No" I was only kidding. He laughed at me being caught off guard" "Well thanks for not torturing me" and with that he left the coffee shop but he still left me confused, you never know with that man. "Was that a compliment?" even though I asked the question out loud, I was really directing it more towards Colin than Sadie so I was glad when he answered. "I think that's as good as it gets" "He is such a strange man" "…and you're a whore, but what else is new?" of course Sadie just couldn't resist, she had to open her big mouth. Colin just changed the topic like she didn't just insult me for the hundredth time today. "Do you guys want to get a bite to eat?" "With her…no" then she turned her attention to back me "Thanks for the show and tell, next time don't show so much and if you do get it waxed" then she left. I couldn't believe she just said that with Colin standing right there, but again he must have heard what he chose to hear because he didn't say anything. "What about you, you in?" I looked over his shoulder behind him and saw that my mom was talking to Valerie. They sort of have been friends ever since she found out about my mom writing the letter and went out of her way to imposed herself in my family's business and help my mom 'cope and process' things out. My mom gestured for me to come over there so we could leave but without thinking about it, I rejected. I checked my phone to see if Matty had called or texted and make sure it was ok. I had no idea why I felt like I had to though, like I was going to be in trouble in he ever found out. "Sure…I'm in" I answered. Yeah Matty was my boyfriend but Colin and I are just friends, he had nothing to worry about, right? Even I wasn't convincing myself.


	2. 2 Should I Really Feel Guilty?

Colin and I grabbed a table after we got or drinks. We started talking about my reading and it felt like could just say anything to him. "Who knew you were funny?" "Me" he laughed and took a sip of his drink. It was a rhetorical question but it was cute that he answered…wait nice, not cute, I meant nice. You have a boyfriend, Jenna. Speak of the devil, Matty had just texted me. It was a picture that showed Jake shaving his legs. Not really something that came to mind when picturing boy's night. I showed Colin thinking that he would get a laugh out of it. "Boys night…" "Interesting" "You know what's interesting" "What" "…you. Why did you come tonight?" I really had no idea why he really came but something in the back of my head was telling me that it wasn't for the awesome iced mochas they had here and it wasn't genuinely to hear me read either. "I just wanted to check out the competition" "Really?" "…and to size up what kind of hell is in store for me if I'm Hart's new victim" well played…it seemed real enough to believe "Was it worth the trip?" I thought I would play along "Yes, definitely…" There was a moment of silence before he spoke again but what he said next I would have never expected to hear.

"You're a classic" I had no time to figure out what exactly that meant because my phone started to ring…it was Matty. Colin looks down at my phone. "You want to get that?" I probably shouldn't have but I ignored the call and put my phone on sleep mode. I don't know why my body does impulsive things without my brains knowledge or consent, whenever I'm around Colin. "No it's ok, uh…finish. 'I'm a classic'? What does that mean?" "It means exactly that…you're a classic, like, Jane Austin. You're funny and smart." I wasn't sure where he was going with this but I was hanging on his every word. He spoke as if he was reading out of a poetry book. I tried to lighten the mood a little bit because the emotional and sexual tension between us was starting to get to me. "So now _I'm_ funny?" Colin tried to defend himself "I never said you weren't" "You know what's really funny?" I didn't get to answer because I was interrupted by Colin's phone going off and he answered it, it must be Angelic…his girlfriend. She was a nice girl but I really hated the fact that she had interrupted our conversation. Colin put his hand on my arm as he answered his phone. Then things had gotten a little more weirder he started to run circles on my arm with his thumb and it didn't feel like it was in a friendly way but something more, and I let him. I felt a charge of electricity flow through my body when he did. "Hold on a sec…" He started to speak to Angelic on the phone, but he was looking at me the whole time, he never looked away once, then he started to talk to me again "Angelic says hi…" Not something I really wanted to hear right now. I was starting to feel guilty, but it's not like I was doing something to be guilty about. Colin spoke again "She's trying to make me jealous" Now I had something to feel guilty about because it was working…but on me. He started to talk to Angelic again "Got to go, see you later" He took his hand off of my arm then hung up and I quickly took a drink of my tea to make it seem less awkward. "Sorry about that, she's out with some friends and a little peeved that I didn't go, so she's pulling the whole 'let-me-tell-you-what-your-missing' bit" The way he said that made him seem like he was irritated with the fact that she had even attempted to try it "Is it working, making you jealous?" I hope he says yes, but he didn't. "Strangely no, which might be a bit of a problem" a huge problem especially for me "It's not a problem, lack of jealousy means you evolved. There's trust between you." I gave him the excuse but I think I was making it for myself hoping it was true. "Or…" What 'or'? There should be no 'or'. What did he mean by that? "Or?" I gave him a confused look. Then he said something he shouldn't have "…I'm over it" I hoped he was kidding. My phone started to ring again. If Matty took the time to call me twice within less than five minutes I really should have picked up, but I didn't. I guess I was over it too.

When I got home all I wanted to do was hit my mattress and fall asleep. A lot had happened today and I really needed to process it. I walked in the door I saw my mother sitting on the couch reading one of her beauty magazines. As soon as she saw me she rushed to me to congratulate me on tonight but then she came out of nowhere and unexpectedly and started giving me 3rd degree about Colin. I had no idea why, it's not like I knew he was even going to be there. I didn't invite him myself. She let me go after she was done with her inferno of an interrogation and succeeded in making me feel ten times worse than what I already did. I curled up into my warm bed and just lie there thinking about Colin. There was definitely no way that I would be able to get any real sleep tonight, not with him on my mind. I looked over at my digital clock to see how long I had been up. It was one in the morning and I had to get up for school in five hours. I needed to sleep. I heard a knock on my back door followed by someone calling my name. It was probably Matty no doubt, but I really wasn't in the mood for a late night booty call at one in the morning. Plus I needed to figure out where my relationship with Matty was going and where my relationship with Colin was hopefully not going, so I just kept lying there. Matty called out my name a couple more times and then it went silent again. He must have given up. My mind was telling me that I should go with Matty because it was the safe and smart thing to do since he was already my boyfriend. My heart on the other hand was fighting with everything it had to get a say on who I should choose, and it was putting up one hell of a fight. My mind was team Matty and my heart was clearly playing for team Colin. I couldn't make this decision on my own, I needed my friends, but would they judge me for even having these feelings in the first place?


	3. Are We Right For Each Other?

Ugh… I feel like crap, only two hours of sleep. I spent the whole night staring up at my ceiling thinking of nothing but Colin. I woke up abruptly from a dream that started out with me and Matty together at Camp Pooka, to me and Colin together at Camp Pooka. Since when did my dreams of reality turn into my fantasy dreams? This could not keep happening. Things got a little better though as the day progressed. Ever since Mr. Hart had sort of given me a complement he hasn't insulted me once today. I took my seat and Mr. Hart was already talking. "Thanks to Jenna getting personal at the reading, it gave me an idea about the next assignment. You're all going to write about your first times" Kyle chose that time to say something stupid again. "What if we've never had sex before?" "Open your ears, I said first anything, and besides no one wants to hear about you and Madison." "Who?" "Madison, your blow up girlfriend" Wow that was harsh. "I don't have a …" Kyle stopped, knowing that no one would believe him if he said it wasn't true then he mumbled something under his breath "…her name is Amy" Some of the class turned to look at him. He didn't have to deny it but he didn't have to admit it either. I figured that I should help him out so I raised my hand. "So does that mean I'm done?" "No, you read something that you wrote a year ago. That's not writing, that's called reading. You wrote what happened; now write what you thought it would be like. Write the fantasy." I felt weird when Colin looked at me like he knew exactly what I could write about…him.

I've been on writers block for the last two days and this thing is due tomorrow. I sat in the quad trying to come up with one single possibility for a fantasy. It should have been easy for me to come up with a fantasy about me and Matty's first time together, there could have been plenty of ways to imagine it. No girl wants to give up her precious flower in a supply closet at summer camp with ammonia in the air, no not aroma…ammonia. The problem was I could only come up with fantasies about Colin. They were popping in my head left and right, I could come up with them all day if I wanted to. I should have been able to pick one fantasy that I've had about Matty but now that I think about it, I've never had any fantasies about him. Why did this have to be so hard? I put my head down on my laptop when I heard Colin say something to me. "Having trouble writing? "He laughed at his sarcasm. Where the hell did he come from? I figured I should answer him and not be extremely rude "That's an understatement. I can't think of one fantasy for me and Matty and I've been at this for two days, I've never even had a fantasy of him before." "Well then use someone else" "What?" "Use someone else…think of someone else that you've had fantasies about then switch out their name with his" "That would make me feel guilty, fantasizing about someone else and saying it was my boyfriend" "Well, it's either that or get an F, and most likely an insult from Mr. Hart" he got up and left me alone to think. Well I figured if I did it that way then nobody would know except for me and Colin, and what would he have to tell for, so I decided to pick one of the fantasies I had for him then switched out Colin's name for Matty's.

Once I picked my fantasy my hands started to fly across the key board, I couldn't stop. I got that paper done in under three hours and turned in the next day. A week later Mr. Hart passed back our graded papers. He passed back Kyle's paper first. "The first time you were probed by aliens" "What, it totally happened" "Oh I don't doubt it. It actually explained a lot of things" he walked down the aisle to Sadie "Equating shopping retail…to prison rape. Wow that was a bit much but a mark improvement over your other papers" he walked to the front of the room and stopped again "Oh this is good…" he started to read someone's paper and as he kept going I realized it was mine. Why did I have to be the only one he read out loud, like I wasn't already embarrassed enough about the topic I had gotten? "…when I carelessly covered my lips, burned raw from the scolding tea, he reached into his iced mocha and fished out a few pathetic cubes…" Just then I saw Colin look up from whatever he was doing with a look on his face that said he realized the paper was mine and it had to be about us because the events on that paper were too similar to the ones that happened that night, for it to be anyone else's. Oh no… I was for sure busted. I sank down in my seat hoping that nobody else realized the paper was mine. Mr. Hart continued "…but it wasn't the ice he used to numb my pain, it was his kiss. The first kiss…" he looked up from my paper "Well I'd read on but I don't want Kyle's head to explode here" Something told me that wasn't the head he was talking about. "Ms. Hamilton…you were supposed to write the fantasy?" Crap, I already know I got an F. Mr. Hart knew that this story wasn't a redo of the other one and he was going to grill me for it. "…but this feels real. Maybe the story wasn't real but the chemistry you created between those two, arguably precious, characters was…palpable" Wow wasn't expecting that response at all, and to top it all off, another compliment too, sort of. I looked down at my paper and there sat on the top of the page was a big and vibrant red 'A'. I was excited but now we had a serious problem because if Mr. Hart thought the chemistry between the two people in this paper was real, then it was possible that it was real in real life too. For some reason Colin got up out of his seat and bent down on his legs in front of me. He rested his arms on my desk and sat his head on his arms to look up at me the kind of way that screams I adore you. "Your making the rest of us look bad…" I only half smiled at an attempt to make it seem like we weren't flirting with each other. Colin furrowed his eyebrows and said "Oh, you got an eyelash…" he gently pulls it off my face and holds it up in front of me "…make a wish" Laying it on a little thick there, buddy. Well that plan was shot to hell. I quickly blew the lash away just to get it over with. I didn't know what was going on, but what I did know is that this whole thing between me and Colin wasn't one sided. He was egging the romance on…hard.

I walked down the hallway after class when I saw Sabree tape up two pieces of paper on the bulletin board. It was her annual 'Hot and Not' list. Another form of diminishing people at this school, and the faculty let her do it, too. She was a bitch but Sadie was the 'Queen Bitch' so I didn't really bother with her. After she put up the last paper she looked at me, laughed then left. I looked at the paper and I saw Matty's name first on the hot list. I looked over at the not list and there I was…number one. I broke down crying and I don't even know why, it's not like I truly cared about that list. I was sprinting down the hallway when I slammed right into someone's back but they caught me before I fell over. I wanted to keep running but the person held on to me so I couldn't go anywhere. They heard me crying a little and said something. "Jenna what's wrong?" I recognized who the voice belonged to…it was Colin. Great I didn't need this right now. "Nothing" I tried to run past him again but he had stopped me again determined to figure out why I was crying. It's not like I really could have told him, I didn't even know why I was crying. "You're lying…" The next thing I know I just cracked. "I'm not good enough for him and everybody knows it" "Him who, Matty?" I continued deciding that he already knew who I was talking about "I shouldn't even be with him…" "…according to Angelic, majority of the girls at this school, Sabree, and her stupid list. Even I'm starting to believe it because that fantasy I wrote definitely wasn't about him" I got quiet after a while. "First of all majority of the girls at this school are just superficial. You shouldn't listen to them. Second its Sabree…she only does the things she does because she is probably over compensating for her insecurity issues, and that stupid list that you were talking about, is just that…stupid. It's a piece of paper that one person came up with to pass the time. Why should you care what it says on it, it means nothing" "Thanks Colin" "No problem, now stop crying or people will think I made you cry. I have a reputation to uphold" he put his hand on my cheek and brushed away my tears with his thumb and I didn't mind. The palm of his hand was soft and warm. Despite my better intentions I felt myself leaning into the palm of his hand but I quickly pulled away when I realized what this probably looked like. I whipped my face to make sure there were no more visible tears. "Thanks again" I half smiled then quickly walked to my locker. What was I doing?

I walked home today because I really didn't want Matty to ask me what was wrong when he saw how red my eyes were from crying so much, and over something so stupid. Colin was right, I shouldn't have cared what anyone was saying, but that still didn't reassure me from believing that Matty and I were drifting apart. My phone started to buzz as soon as I got to my room and I set my books down on my bed. It was Matty calling me. I assumed that he was probably going to ask why I didn't get a ride home from him today. I answered my phone and tried to sound chipper. "Hey, I'm sorry I didn't…" "I saw you today with Colin…we need to talk" I didn't get to finish my sentence or reply because as soon as he said that the line went dead. He had hung up on me and he was obviously pissed about something.


	4. The Make-Up & The Break-Up

Ok I was really starting to freak out. The next day at lunch I was sitting there waiting for Matty and that usually doesn't happen. It's usually the other way around. He finally came to the table and he looked furious. "Hey…" I said it a little softer than usual like I was afraid that he was gonna blow up like a volcano at the slightest thing.

"Hey" hey made that one simple word as sharp as razor blades when he spoke it.

"So what's up?" he cut me off instantly

"What's going on with you and Colin?"

"Nothing, why would you think that?"

"Really, because I saw you to yesterday in the quad and you two seemed real friendly."

"That's because that's what we are…friends, just friends" I tried to put my hands on his to convince him that I still loved him but he pulled his away before my hands were even relaxed. Who would blame him, I couldn't even convince my own self that I had any feelings left for him and it wasn't like that was his fault.

"Oh spare me the bullshit Jenna, I see the way he looks at you, and you look at him the same way you used to look at me" "It doesn't even matter because Colin has a girlfriend, remember?" "That's not even then point, and if you had to say that then you obviously do have some type of feelings for him even if you don't know it yet, but something tells me you already know." "What do you want me to do, tell him to stop flirting with me because he has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend?" We were apparently shouting at this point because I looked around and noticed everyone staring at us, including Colin

"Tell him what you want. I don't care… and from what I saw, the flirting goes both ways, Jenna, because it certainly wasn't lacking on your part." He got up to leave but turned right back around. By the way…you _did_ have a boyfriend." …and like that we were done and I was single. I put my head down in my hands when I noticed that everyone was still staring and I was starting to get pissed, like it was any of their god damn business in the first place. I looked up in rage and I just snapped "What the hell are you all looking at?" Already irritated I grabbed my stuff and left, then the volume started to pick back up to its normalcy after someone draws unwanted attention to themselves.

I stepped into an empty classroom and took a seat. I started to cry and I have no idea why, all I knew was that I was sad and I was burning with rage. I had my back to the door so I didn't notice right away when someone entered the room. "I know… I'm not supposed to be in here… I'll go" I was starting to pick up my stuff to leave when I turned around and saw Colin in the doorway blocking my path. "Oh, it's you..." I sat back down because I obviously wasn't going anywhere. "Hey are you ok?" Want to try asking me a serious question Colin? I just glared at him through red teary eyes "Does it look like I'm ok?" "What happened?" I really didn't want to deal with this now but that's it I'm done. I took all my anger out on him, and he deserved it too because he knew good and well what the hell he was doing. "You happened…" "What do you mean 'I happened'?" "You're the reason why Matty and I just broke up" "How am I responsible for your break up?"

"You with all your flirting…and your always around, it's like I can't escape you…ugh…it's so infuriating!"

"What are you talking about I wasn't flirting, Jenna!"

"Like hell you weren't…the eyelash, whipping my tears…you don't call that flirting?" I got up in his face this time.

"I was being nice!" I could tell he was starting to get upset but there is no way in hell he was gonna reach the level of annoyance that I was already at. "Ok, what about the coffee shop? You weren't flirting then? Why were you really there, Colin? …and don't tell that bullshit about hearing me read to size up your competition. That whole damn night was nothing _but_ flirting" I was so mad I was seeing red at this point. I didn't even notice that Colin shut the door to the room so our conversation wouldn't become public like me and Matty's had been. "I'm so stupid… I knew I should have never gotten involved with you. I'm so mad at you I don't even want to-" Suddenly he came at me.

His whole body crashed into me- his body with mine, his lips on mine, his hands cradling my face to his. The kiss was angry but yet, passionate. It threw me off so much I stumbled a little trying to regain my balance so I wouldn't fall but Colin caught me before I could. As mad as I was, the kiss was still by far the best one I have ever had…neither Jake or Matty had kissed me like that the whole time we were dating…or doing whatever it was that we were doing. It felt great to be kissed like this. He didn't even wait to deepen the kiss and stuck his tongue in my mouth. He had gotten the upper hand, seeing as how my mouth was already open from ripping him a new one. The kiss was still taking effect when I remembered something…he still had a girlfriend. Even if I didn't have a boyfriend anymore, that doesn't mean that we should be doing this let alone, me let him…so I stopped him. I pushed him away and kept him at arm-length but we were still holding onto each other. My bangs were in my eyes and I was now panting from how raw and heated the kiss had become. "We can't do this. You have a girlfriend remember, her name is Angelic…blonde, very pretty, very nice" he laughed for some reason "She's not as nice as you think she is, trust me…and besides, that was one of the reasons why I was going to break up with her" "One of the reasons?" I had a feeling I was the main reason "Yeah, but you were the main reason…" Yep what'd I tell you…he tilted my chin up again so that I was now looking up at him and he took that chance to kiss me again? The kiss only lasted for about 2 seconds before I cut him off again "…but you haven't yet so until then" I picked up my books and opened the door "…I can't, sorry" I left the room leaving Colin alone looking like a lost puppy. Besides, Colin was going to have to work for my affection…I was no one's rebound girl.


End file.
